Wednesday, April 27, 2011


today i am feeling blah. i haven't had many of these days at all since i have been here so i guess i am overdue.

i haven't been sleeping very well and i have alot on my mind. i really do trust that the Father knows what He is doing and He has already gone before my but I get tired reminding myself of that 10,000 times during the day. i need to work on that.

and i really just want to paint my fingernails. and eat chickfila.

this is silly and i shouldn't be even be complaining. He is bigger than all of it.

Monday, April 25, 2011

honestly..i don't think ive ever read the book of Philemon before. i think it is one of those i just skip over when going to other books of the bible...but there is some good stuff in there! its such a short book but so encouraging.

"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus. I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people."-Philemon 1:4-7

The message always helps put things in better perspective for me..or at least makes it easier to understand :)

"Every time your name comes up in my prayers, I say, "Oh, thank you, God!" I keep hearing of the love and faith you have for the Master Jesus, which brims over to other believers. And I keep praying that this faith we hold in common keeps showing up in the good things we do, and that people recognize Christ in all of it. Friend, you have no idea how good your love makes me feel, doubly so when I see your hospitality to fellow believers."

I am so encouraged by the sweet friends and family at home that are not only lifting me up, but the workers/families that are here, and especially the people that we are surrounded by. I know the Father is at is a blessing to be able to experience it.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

40 years.

This afternoon we spent some time traveling to a village that is about an hour away. It was like any other time we go out to visit...I was excited to get back into the routine of visiting with people after we had been away for a few days. We sat and talked, ate bread and drank tea like normal and then all of the ladies went for a walk out in the fields. It was later in the afternoon so it wasn't terribly hot and it was gorgeous as we were walking. It really looked like something from a movie. We got to a flat part next to the river that was just rocks and dirt for miles. The girls were playing with the frogs in the pond and the rest of us had fun trying to skip rocks. I tried because I am not very good...everyone else was pro at it!

After a while I started walking off by myself and of course started thinking. Anybody who has been talking to me recently knows I've been thinking about what I'm going to do in the fall. I am really trying to figure out where my heart is...and not just look for a job just to have one. I really want to be where the Father wants me and I feel like the desires that I have are coming from him...I am just trying to figure out what they look like. I started thinking about the Israelites and their time in the desert...wandering in the desert for 40 YEARS. I cannot imagine. I started thinking what it must have been after day to do the same thing...not knowing what even the next hour would hold. But just following the Lord.
In Exodus tells the story of the Father sending down Manna from Heaven. I was reading this passage earlier this week and was reminded of it today along with my other thoughts. Would I have been one of the people who gathered more just to be safe? Or would I have really believed and put my hope in the fact that God was taking care of me..and all I needed to worry about was the day that I was in at that moment? It really made me wonder and I know that I would have wanted to be safe...I would have wanted to make sure that there was enough to last just in case something went wrong the next day. But we do not serve a God of "just in case". I want to be thankful for what I have been given THIS DAY...not worrying about tomorrow, but really trusting that it is already taken care of. That is my prayer...I hope that we all learn to live that way...out of the fear and stress..and away from the "what ifs."

That is what I want to be doing. I have no idea what my future holds...I don't even know what tomorrow holds. But I do know that all I can do is continue to put one foot in front of the other and TRUST that He is leading me. At times when I feel like I am so lost..that is when I cling to Him and His hand.

I am sure this sounds repetitive of things I have said before but it continues to be made real to places and at times when I am not expecting it. It scares me to not have plans...I am a planner. But what a sweet time of truly trusting and knowing that one day I will be able to look back and acknowledge the fact that He never left me..and He has already gone before me.

Friday, April 8, 2011

deep deep love.

I'm sitting here with the sun coming through my window...drinking coffee, listening to sovereign grace music. The girls are on break and just left my apartment. I was reading Jesus Calling just a few minutes ago...something I would recommend...I didn't realize how applicable it would be to EACH day when I got it. this is something from today..."When you feel far from Me, whisper My name. This simple act, done in childlike faith, opens your heart to My presence. I am delighted when you open yourself to My loving presence."

that thought was so comforting to me today. i know i have times when I feel far from the Father but how precious that all we have to do is whisper His name. If we can't get anything else out...if our thoughts are so mixed up and tangled that we can't even figure out WHAT to say, all we have to do is whisper His name! I know I have been in this place many times before. He promises that He will meet us there! I was so encouraged when I read this and thought about how much the Father really does love us. I know we all know that but how often do we stop to really take it all in?

This was a verse from today and I LOVE it. "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you" Genesis 28:15. I think it is so neat to read this and see very clearly that the Father IS with us and He is not going anywhere. He is at work in our lives...even when it feels like chaos, when we don't understand, when we are angry, or sad or feel like giving up. He is with us and we can't get away from Him. I am so grateful for that. Grateful that the Lord knows our hearts and sweetly pursues us.

On another note...I talked to my mom yesterday on the phone and I am so happy to know she is now only a few hours away from me! I will see her tomorrow and she will come here to spend a few days with us. The ladies are all excited she is coming and we have lots of visits to make once she gets here. It will be a busy few days but I am ready for her to experience life here with me. I never thought I would say that it is beginning to feel more like home here. When we were out of town this past weekend, in a bigger city by the beach, I was homesick for our town. I thought I would be excited to get away and back into a big city but I wasn't a big fan...I missed the stillness and daily life here. I missed visiting with women and loving on them. I was feeling all those things and I was only 4 hours away...can't imagine what it will be like back in the states...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS APRIL!! I've been here more than a month...crazy.

On another note, It was BEAUTIFUL this weekend while we were out of town. Then we got home and I have never heard or seen wind and dust storms like the ones we have had over the past 2 days. The power was on and off yesterday, I was scared. Storms here seem scarier than at home...especially when I am by myself and everything echos :( But let's hope that the bad weather is gone now. The sun came out today for a little bit and I know it is hiding behind the clouds...but I need some vitamin D. Blah.

I am excited for my mom to get lifting up the arrangements to get her to me. There is no easy way to get anywhere here. I think she leaves the states either tomorrow or Thursday...YAY! Gus Gus and I will have another friend!!! :)