crazy love.

so i just finished reading crazy love. it has been something i've wanted to read for a while, i borrowed if from someone and it was sitting on my bookshelf forever and i finally just gave it back because i didn't think i would ever read it...or that i would ever have time. but i've had time here and i'm so thankful that i read it. if you haven't read it, you should! it's a convicting book but more than that it is encouraging and makes me want to get moving on really following the commands that our Father gives us. it really allowed me to put my life in check, to lay it all out and really ask myself what i am doing to further the kingdom. next on my list is Radical...i brought it with me and just started it but I had to pause to blog just so i wouldn't forget what i wanted to talk about :) i am definitely one of those people that hears an idea, and wants to do it right then. I get really excited about opportunities or things that come up...and i would say that sometimes i get ahead of myself with making "my" plans and being so sure that they are going to work out that way. you would think that by now i would realize that i'm not in control, and that when things come up i would take them to the one who knows me better than i know myself first. i'm hoping i am on the way to really realizing that and living it out. i think i've said before but being here has given me alot of time to think. this week the enemy has really been after me with anxiety and stress about my future. where am i going to get a job? where am i going to live? with who? knoxville, nashville, murfreesboro? somewhere i haven't even thought of yet? i feel like there are so many questions and i really have NO idea. i have things i would like to do but are those selfish things that i am thinking of? i really don't know how to figure it out. i was sitting earlier listening to music just playing all of these options out in my mind and it just hit me that i have absolutely no control. yes there are things i can do to guide me in certain directions and i really do believe that the Father gives us desires and things that we want to pursue but i want to be actively laying those before his feet. some things i don't want to lay there. why do i think that i can handle it better? blahh i feel like i am just rambling about how i don't know what to do with my future and all of the sudden it hit me that i have no control. buh kinda scary but ultimately humbling. guess thats a good place to be..right?