Wednesday, May 25, 2011

nearing the end.

I have been wanting to blog all day...but haven't known what to say. Part of me feels like my head and my heart are just i don't have any words to express what I am feeling. Maybe I don't even know what I am feeling.

The weather here has been yucky the past few days, we haven't gone out visiting at all this week and honestly I've felt pretty worthless. At times it is a struggle for me to spend time with the mind is going 100 miles a minute and i can't even seem to calm it down long enough to just be still. When i first got here...stillness was so unfamiliar to me but i loved it and welcomed it. The "to-do" list has already started in my head and it's driving me crazy.

I was just reading back over a sweet friend's blog of her time overseas last summer. I was encouraged by the blogs toward the end of her time and so many things that she said are things that i am feeling. On the other hand...the enemy also used this as a distraction.

he has really been on me recently...saying my time here wasn't enough, that i didn't do enough, didn't learn enough language, meet enough people or share with them. those thoughts have been so far from my mind until now. and it really takes all that i am to refuse those thoughts and say that they aren't true. but it's hard.

my mind has been so all over the place and i am begging the Father to draw me back to Himself. to quiet my soul so that i can rest in His presence. I am so excited to go see my friends and family and be with them again, but i can't forget what i have learned here..the ways that the Father has stretched me and grown me.

i don't want to rush these next few days..i want to savor my last 2 days of school with the girls..the visits to say goodbye to sweet ladies that i have been around for the past months and time with the people that have become my family here. I know that the Father is so much bigger than my thoughts, that He promises to calm them and calm my spirit. I am asking Him to do those things..asking that these next days would be the sweetest of my intimacy with Him.

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